Do you feel like your marriage might be over but aren’t sure if you’re ready to file for a divorce?
Filing for divorce is a huge step in ending your relationship. Because of the emotional, mental, and financial toll divorce can take on a person, it’s not a decision you should take lightly. However, divorce is sometimes the best option for both parties involves.
But, how do you know if your marriage is truly over and it’s time to divorce?
Check out this guide to discover the top signs that it’s time to file for divorce.
1. You Never Argue
While many people think that never arguing is a sign of a healthy relationship, sometimes, it’s the opposite. Avoidance and silence can be detrimental to a relationship.
If you can’t even be bothered to work things out, it likely means something is missing and that you no longer care about the person enough to settle your differences. Or, if you’re avoiding arguing because you feel like you and your partner will never be on the same page, then you may have fundamental differences that will prevent you two from being lifelong partners.
2. You’d Rather Be Alone
Do you feel elated when you come home from work at the end of the day and your partner isn’t there? Do you dream about traveling or doing activities without your partner?
While it’s definitely healthy to seek some alone time in a relationship, you shouldn’t be wanting it all of the time. And, after you’ve had some alone time, you should be craving time with your partner.
If you find that you’re constantly itching to be alone, then it may be time to start thinking about divorce.
3. There’s Been Infidelity
Whether or not infidelity is grounds for divorce is situational. Some people are able to forgive and move on after one instance of infidelity, while others simply can’t look past it.
While there’s no hard and fast rule regarding infidelity and divorce, if someone is cheating multiple times in a marriage, then it’s time to think about going your separate ways.
Infidelity isn’t just about the physical act of cheating. It’s also about the betrayal of trust. If your partner has been unfaithful and you just can’t get past it and restore your trust in them, then divorce may be your best option.
4. Most of Your Interactions Are Negative
If you’re someone who likes to use data and logic to drive your decisions instead of your feelings and emotions, then think about the recent interactions you’ve had with your spouse.
According to relationship research John Gottman, you can look at positive vs negative interaction ratios to determine whether or not you’re headed for divorce. Ideally, you want to aim for a ratio of 20:1. That is, for every 20 positive interactions you have with your partner, there should be one negative interaction (remember, zero negative interactions means there’s a problem).
Couples going through conflict have a ratio of about 5:1. And, couples headed for divorce have a ratio of 0.8:1. That is, they have more negative interactions than positive interactions.
While you don’t need to start tallying every interaction you have with your spouse, it is a good idea to reflect on your interactions and think about whether they’re mostly positive or negative.
5. Friends and Family Members Are Urging You to Get Out
The decision to get a divorce should be one that you come to entirely on your own. No one knows your relationship better than you do, so you shouldn’t let outside factors influence your decision.
That being said, if all of your friends and family members are urging you to get out, that could be a sign there’s something inherently wrong with the relationship that you’re missing. While you shouldn’t let anyone else dictate your decisions, you should be open to listening to what your friends and family members have to say, especially if they think staying in the relationship could compromise your safety.
6. Your Partner is Abusive
If your partner is abusive, that’s a sign that you should get out of the marriage immediately. However, the signs of abuse aren’t always obvious, especially when it comes to emotional or psychological abuse.
Physical abuse is pretty self-explanatory. This involves your partner hitting you, punching you, or putting you in physical danger. Here are some of the signs of psychological or emotional abuse:
- They call you mean names
- They constantly assassinate your character
- They yell or speak to you in a patronizing tone
- They insult your appearance or belittle your accomplishments
- They put down your interests
- They threaten you
- They monitor your whereabouts
- They’re in control of your finances
- They have frequent emotional outbursts directed at you
- They treat you like a child
- They turn the tables on you when they do something wrong
- They use guilt to try to get you to do something
- They blame you for their problems
- They deny something you know is true (also known as gaslighting)
- You feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them to avoid disappointing them
- You find you have to apologize even when you’ve done nothing wrong
- They withhold affection, money, or sex to punish you
- They try to isolate you from your friends and family
If any of these signs sound familiar, then it’s time to think about hiring a divorce lawyer so you can get out of your marriage.
Is it Time to Divorce?
Now that you’ve read this guide, it’s time for you to decide if it’s time to divorce. If the answer is yes, then your next step is to hire a divorce lawyer.
And, be sure to check back in with our blog for more relationship advice and news.